Struggling to “Honor Yourself”?

This is a very common challenge many women who practice the Intimacy skills find themselves in.

Marriage seems to be better, we have less fights, more peace in our home… yet something is still not right for me.

I am of course happier than before because I have to fight less.

It even feels like our sweet intimacy is back… my sweet husband I fell in love with is back.

But then why… why does it feel like “I’m just faking it”?

Duck tape, which is helpful in reducing the fights, yet feels like it’s suffocating me.

Respect, which is helpful in making him feel better, makes me feel like I have to be a doormat.

Self care, which is helpful in making me feel better for the moment, actually feels like a way to suppress my true desire.

Receiving, which is easy to do because I deserve to receive SOMETHING! But seriously??? That’s all I get? After all this hard work!?!?

If you find this relatable, you’re not alone.

I see you. I’ve been exactly where you are.

You’re miserable, yet working hard to make things better. You’re so beautiful. You’re so wonderful. GREAT JOB.

On dark days like this, let’s try something different.

.

.

.

Let’s actually stop trying.

Don’t coach yourself and try to look at the positives.

Don’t reason with yourself that you need to be grateful for things you have.

Don’t just start smiling to see if that will make you feel better.

Just…. Stop.

It’s ok.

Let’s just accept who you are.

Let’s accept all the negative feelings you’re having.

You’re angry. You’re disappointed. You’re sad. You’re hopeless. You’re afraid. You’re mad.

You want to yell, “life is not fair!!!!!!!!”

Do it.

You are right.

You deserve a lot more.

Feel what you’re feeling. It’s ok to feel all the negative feelings.

You’re a human. Negative feelings are simply a part of being a human.

You’re not broken.

Did you release all the emotions? Did you feel it all as you want to feel?

Take all the time you need.

…

Ok.

And here’s the most important part.

Now, love yourself just as you are.

Hug yourself and tell yourself, “You’re doing an amazing job” “I love you” “I’m proud of you”

Tell yourself anything and everything that you’ve been wanting to hear.

If you’ve been wanting to be cherished, cherish yourself.

If you’ve been wanting an acknowledgement, acknowledge yourself.

If you’ve been wanting a thank-you, thank yourself.

In my experience, this is the ultimate form of self care.

You’re the only person who can care for you.