Importance of Safety

I had a chance to meet my previous coach in person.

She’s a Laura Doyle coach that I had 6 coaching sessions with. I felt extremely safe with her and was able to share some of my most painful stories to get coached on.

She’s also someone I look up to. She’s been practicing Laura Doyle’s Intimacy Skills for a few years - extremely fun, light, feminine, and loving. No surprise to me that she just attracted a new career opportunity.

So I was really looking forward to it when she reached out to me to meet in person as she happened to be in my town!

My work schedule was crazy but I was able to open up a few hours on a weekend afternoon.

I invited her to a coffee at this cute little cafe downtown.

The visit was awesome, super inspiring, and reminded me of the importance of skills.

She shared with me her recent wins - she’s absolutely winning taking care of her happiness!!

I got super invigorated.

She asked me, “So, Yuki, how are you doing?”

I knew what she meant by this question right away - she’s asking how I am winning with my skills.

But then the interesting thing happened… I couldn’t share.

She always provides emotional safety. I feel safe around her and never feel judged.

But this coffee shop, this very public place, right in the town where I live and work, wasn’t providing the safety for me to be vulnerable.

It was still a real pleasant reunion, but not a deep interaction like our coaching sessions.

We still had nice conversations, talking about our kids, our recent job challenges, our family vacations, and home renovations.

But no, I personally could not even touch that iceberg of how my marriage is going - even though it’s mostly going well!

I learned that the emotional safety is truly multifaceted.

The coach and the environment together provides true emotional safety for the client to feel ok to be vulnerable.

This is one of the huge differences between catching up with a dear friend and real relationship coaching.