What does Respect really mean?

One of Laura Doyle’s intimacy skills is Respect.

What does it mean to respect your husband?

In my experience, respecting him means to listen to him.

And I mean, REALLY listen to him.

If you were concerned about your health and went to a doctor, you will really listen right?

Because you respect the doctor.

You recognize this doctor knows something you don’t.

Or he/she might know something you don’t.

Your husband is smart, if not, you wouldn’t have married him.

All these years with him, you might have accumulated a bunch of evidence that you are smarter than him. I get it! I’m with you!!!

But,

I had a choice to make.

Do I want to continue to be right, and miserable?

Or do I want a loving relationship with my husband?

I chose the latter.

So I let go of my belief that I’m smarter than him.

I decided to really listen to him.

When he is speaking, I listen to what he’s saying.

I don’t assume what he’s saying.

I don’t roll my eyes in my imagination.

I stop talking both with my mouth and my brain.

Just focus on what he’s saying for a moment.

No judgement, no correction, no insertion of my counter argument, both with my mouth or with my brain.

In my experience, what helps me to verbalize what I think I heard.

Often I get corrected, meaning what I thought I heard wasn’t quite what he said.

If I was respectful and listened attentively, but I still understood him wrong, then this begins the conversation. He might correct me, then I say, “Oh I see now,” and open, non-judgmental, intimate conversation begins.

The communication I get to have with him is so much more pleasant now, because I attentively listen to him.

He feels heard and he also gets to opportunity to clarify things if I wasn’t quite getting it.

This feel like a lot safer and more intimate conversations now.

And I feel loved and respected in turn.

An amazing feeling.

I invite you to just stop talking and thinking when he’s talking and really try to listen to him in a pure sense.

And let things flow from there.

Amazing what happens next ❤️