PLANT WILL ONLY GROW IF YOU HAVE SEEDS AND ENVIRONMENT

DO YOU OFTEN STRUGGLE WITH THE IDEA, “THINGS WOULD BE BETTER IF XYZ…”

OUR MARRIAGE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER

… IF HE WASN’T SO MENTALLY UNSTABLE,

… IF HE WASN’T ADDICTED,

… IF HE WASN’T UNFAITHFUL,

… IF HE MADE MORE MONEY,

… IF HE DID XYZ!

MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER

… IF I COULD WORK,

… IF I LIVED CLOSER TO MY FAMILY/FRIENDS,

… IF I HAD XYZ!

MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER

… IF MY CHILD DIDN’T ACT THIS WAY,

… IF MY PARENTS WEREN’T OLDER,

… IF EVERYONE I LOVE NEVER GOT SICK OR OLD!

This is such a frustrating place to be!

I’ve been there so many times.

Then I’ve been crushed by this idea so many times.

Because the result is always the same… I simply can’t make the XYZ happen no matter how much I try.

It feels so hopeless.

One helpful solution for me is to remember one Buddhist teaching.

Plants will only grow if 2 triggers align: Seeds and Environment.

Seeds are something I planted.

Environment just so happened to be the perfect soil, sun, water for the plant to grow. Out of my control.

So let’s take an example and break it down.

“Our marriage would be so much better if my husband didn’t get angry so easily.”

What’s the outcome you don’t like?

My husband gets angry easily.

What do you think triggered the outcome?

Something happened that didn’t satisfy his demand.

—> Is this something I planted? If so, it’s in my power. I can remove the seeds! I may have to apologize that I put the seeds there. I may have to clean up a bit.

—> Is this just the environment he’s in? If so, it’s not in my power. Don’t waste your time trying to change the soil, sun, or water. This is when I go sing, “Just keep swimming~”

Focus on the seeds. That is something I can control. I can decide whether to plant it or not to plant it. I can decide the kind of seeds I want to plant. I can decide when to plant the seeds. I can also decide to remove the seeds.

That is where my power lie.