How to stop complaining about him!

“He’s lazy.”

”He’s dirty.”

“He’s angry.”

“He never does XYZ.”

“He always does ABC.”

There are times when I want to complain about him. More often than not!

After all, I’m working so hard over here! Making money, raising kids, taking care of the house… My body and mind are constantly at work.

Yet all I see him doing is… playing video games until late at night and sleeping until afternoon!!!!!!!!!

So annoying. Wish my husband was different. Trying to tell him to be different, of course, doesn’t work but even worse, usually leads to a huge blowout where I’m made to feel worse.

I start to feel hopeless. I start to wish I was divorced. I start to daydream my life would be much better if I was alone.

Does this sound familiar to you? It happens to be all the time. Before I knew the 6 Intimacy skills from Laura Doyle, I just stayed feeling hopeless and in agonizing pain.

Now I know what to do to get out of this pain!

The Key is…. GRATITUDE.

In this moment when I am feeling so resentful, I tell myself “Ok… let’s think of 10 things I am grateful for.”

You might laugh at this. You might also wonder how the heck can I do that? Why would you do that?

I hear you… but let me just try it. There’s no harm trying.

1. I’m grateful I just got to eat something and not hungry right now.

2. I’m grateful I feel warm and comfortable in my clothes and house.

3. I’m grateful I have kids that are healthy and smart.

4. I’m grateful I have my parents who are healthy.

5. I’m grateful I have a job and career that I enjoy.

6. I’m grateful I have friends (women who are on the same journey with me with Laura Doyle’s skills) that I can vent to.

7. I’m grateful sky is blue today and I can feel the sunshine.

8. I’m grateful it’s nice and quiet in my room right now, and I can type this peacefully.

9. I’m grateful I have hot water whenever I want to make myself a cup of tea.

10. I’m grateful my husband is healthy.

Yes, that was a stretch at the end. (To think of something about my husband I’m grateful for!) But you know what’s the funny thing? At the beginning of this blog post, I was feeling angry, scared, anxious, and sad. Now that I typed up 10 gratitudes, I am actually smiling. I feel warmer, even with a little tear in my eyes to realize I have so much to be grateful for. Just a quick simple exercise to shift my focus from what I don’t have to what I get to have! This warm feeling I have, even though it’s not a perfect happiness, is so much better than what I used to feel stuck feeling: hopelessness.

I invite you to try this exercise, whenever you’re feeling unhappy.